The Times They Are A'Changin..

A lot of changes are taking place, folks! Call it spring cleaning or whatever. I ain't even sure about whether the changes are gonna take me in the right direction. But as long as it's not the same, it's good. A different scheme, a refreshing change..and a chance to break away from the turbid flow that drowned me in the past. It's been long since I've been excited about anything. I am feeling weird about getting all excited, like a kid. Hmm.. Ignorant & blissful? I say no. Wise & blissful, it is. :D

I knew it would have to happen eventually, but had too much inertia to try. And the recent tides didn't help. But I guess, they unwittingly threw me far enough to come to my own rescue. It's inexplicable how I never came to this juncture, even though I wanted to. I let myself be led along, going with the flow, hoping people would change. Not a prudent decision. However, I've learnt quite a lot from all that befell me, and even though I wish it hadn't, it's served me this way atleast. The bitterness has thus been vindicated. Hence, the decidedly buoyant feelings! :)

What doesn't kill you...

...makes you stronger. Or so they say.

What they don't is that it can also make one paranoid, morose and totally neurotic.

Trickling away...

..from my grasp - time. Seems like a case of too much in too short a period, but really its been quite long. A lot of lost time. Seasons passing through their disappointing little circle they show here. Yet, one thing doesn't seem to fade away. That familiar feeling. That stuck to the ground one. A kind of weariness has settled snugly over it now. A result of the failed, albeit desperate, attempts to hold onto moments I knew were passing me by.

The weariness does serve a purpose though. Makes one indifferent. And indifference is good. So even though a lot still seems to be passing me by, it doesn't matter anymore. And thus one has learnt the art of shuttling from dreary dusk to dreary dawn with quiet nonchalance. An I-don't-care-what-you-bring-to-me-coz-I-don't-feel-anything attitude towards this conniving devil called time. Some solace this, although the readers might wonder how long this will last. Clearly, I got no idea. And, no, time won't tell, for once.

And so, I give in...

The tide turns... waves crash by... I stand here watching helplessly.. Do I even want to try and escape? Not...

Who knew? Storms dont call and say.."Hey! Guess what?! I am gonna visit again!" And would it really matter even if I knew? Would running away after locking up my home help? Wouldn't it be sitting there waiting for me to come back, like a bugging clingy guest from Timbuktu? Yeah, it would. So I stand here.. Because running away is tiring.. Because at the end of the day, it would still be lurking around waiting for me... Because, it doesnt seem to matter anymore..

So I give in.. It wouldnt help to put up a fight... It never did.. The waves take me in, easy and sure... They have enough experience of doing that.. So they carry me along, and I float.. No struggling here.. They know I wouldnt... Turbulent waters can do that to me..

And then I wait.. Wait for the other side.. Wait for the time when they would throw me over the shore.. Like they always do.. Like they know I know.. But they made it clear.. They aint going to be easy on me this time around... It's gonna be a long wait...